time for your own

 having spent my life trying to please my partner in life , 

now it is time for me to live for myself 

having spent my life showering gifts and love to kids 

now it is time for me to live for myself

prepare myself for old age and death 

refuge in dharma 

Bettter

 Better be alone than with someone unhappy with you and complaining frequently.

Better be alone than with wasting your time and affection with kids and family who does not appreciate your love.

Life is at peace 

except moments you have to deal to get back the loan out cash...

Bye for now

 Bye for now 

wish the best 

till we meet again

love

leaving

 will we meet again?

I don't know 

we don't know

like will we get back our money ?

anyway I think I will go and meet him again 

when things turn to normal and when I get some money and time

muscles aches

 I don't feel good

all muscles stiff

arms aches

neck ache 

last night I just sleep watching the pain in muscles

read and learn

He said not do rituals instead read and learn dharma 

I will read every day from now onwards

sad sad sad

 He is saying goodbye to the house

made my eyes teary

be strong 

he said I will be occupied and not sad after he leaves

I said I don't let myself sad 

I don't let myself soft 

I will keep myself busy with friends and eat outs and shoppings

I pray that I can get back my money from swindlers soon  and can follow him to go around the world 

in next year 

killings

 Every day killings of people in the streets 

this country is not a place to live peacefully

students killing their teacher because they will get money 

people blaming government for not able to control the bombs and killings

I am in a position not to leave my home 

I have case to follow and I have to watch my house.

I am glad for those who can stay away

things done

 have bought 2 k use for J to travel

been to spa every day 

today is slim set 

very tough and nice 

market place has many cars 

strict security

I bought burgers for J

made burgers for dinner 

can't wait

 He mentioned he can't wait to get out of this country.

I wish him the best 

It will be lighter for me to live without him 

I told him to give me two years to get things settled and follow him

do not give up our love I said 

I am not sure about that 

They are so pretentious 

am I been duped all these years 

idle

 Ordered burger for j and now I am idle 

no driver so I am not going to market 

will drive later to where 

want massage 

will buy food for dinner 

have to pick up the earrings left in spa 

ask t to do it for me

what to do when idle 

read and listen dharma 

pray and meditate 

that's what holy monks do 

so i will reach nirvana 

cash

 second payment only at the end of the month 

later in January 20th latest

so cannot spend too much till I get replenishment 

hope to sell another one

breakfast

 The mommy baby asked me to join her for breakfast 

I got medicines for back pain

looks like post covid cause lower back pain with spondylosis to people 

J will plan for dinner for my bd 

depressed

 Life is depressing this last few years till today 

But I can forget about it and get used to the failure 

tears are a second away if you give up 

smile and laugh can be there as well 

hectic run around yesterday

 I was getting results from airport clinic and they found a compressed fracture

to check osteoporosis 

end up in ph and agreed to do surgery 

he said not to do before his departure so i postponed

and it is not an emergency 

so I decide not to do it

today court date and the con man does not show not even his lawyer 

and I came back to appoint a lawyer and do it two weeks later 

so slow every appointments 

have massage today 

buy medicines