sad sad sad

okay lets say its my fault.

he was so sad yesterday. I am jealous of his employee and always sabotage his works.
I am just not so ready to listen to his complaints about his and my employees so always end up taking actions .  I cant just keep things in my chest, always need to blurt out anything in my mind.  My weakness.. what to do.. no way we can be working together in my own country as I feel responsible for his sufferings and take actions.

dawn of a new era

Yesterday was the first day he acts normal, secure and act like a family. So hopefully this is final and we can live happily ever after.

try to be patient

try try try

already said it so he knows

but lets try again..

hope he knows me now where I stay

abusive insulting

this shall be over and done .. about time.

True partner or True love

I arrived finally here in Colorado. He welcomed me at Denver airport with a rose and his book dedicated to me. He is smiling and laughing and happy to see me. Introduced me to his new dog Smarty Jones and showed me his guns he carries all the time.  After a night in Denver we drove back to Glenwood Springs to his small apartment condo unit. He keeps very clean and it is a very special place to live with a huge deck in front over looking the valley. He is so excited finishing his book and me arriving in time for it. It is an e book and I tried to promote on Facebook yet no one download e books. He is disappointed about it and intend to order books and do his own promotion and sales across America.

Waiting for his return

Yes , made peace finally on my last trip there and now he is coming back home. This must work finally . Work is not doing well as we lost one account  and struggling to get new accounts. I am trimming down people at office accordingly. Once he is back we can manage together.

four years later 2/14/16

Four years later from dim to dark. I am all alone. Miss him terribly at times but when remembering his unhappiness with me in my environment, it is best we live apart.  Work and family keeps me here not able to fly there to meet him and give us a chance for future. But I will try my best to fly end of this month hoping to meet him there in his world. Though last time we did quarrel on Skype... again... not a chance to be happy together again if we dwell on what happened here in my country , in our business and in my family...

conditions are changing: is this Anicca- impermanence of things

Yes things are changing again in my world as Buddha says , nothing is permanent. He does not love me anymore, she does not love him anymore. Only those who is suffering are those who insist  in keeping things as before , who do not want changes. Thus frictions occur when people who do not want changes confront people who has moved on to another life or another relationship. Anicca , Dukkha, Anatta we use to say those words as Buddhism taught us. It is tough for us to cope with changing situations , changing environment making people change and adapt to their new life. Anatta- means un governable, we cannot control when these things happen.  If you try to control you will suffer - dukkha, everyone will suffer if they attach themselves to the past . We are all formed to change and adapt accordingly to the environment. Look at the animals who change their coat color and habits for survival in different environments. Cause and effects - this is law of nature which is taught in Buddhism.  The best thing is to accept the changes and adapt yourself to it instead of insisting things as before . Yes he or she has moved on and let them find their new happiness elsewhere away from you. For yourself , you have to take care of yourself first and immediate family and keep on existing in life , working on things who needs immediate attention from you.
For myself , the kids need me, the staff needs me , the office needs me, the projects need to be finished and realize money so I can pay salary to staff and get back for the expenses. My health needs to be taken care of so I stop drinking wine and curb my diet to one meal a day. I still need to do regular exercise which I have been struggling to do. We have new pitches , we have current clients to service properly. Companies to curb and keep registration and stream lined properly.  Thus we have a lot to chew looking at our plate in front of us. Work has ended a relationship for me as the stress is too much for a couple to handle. Now I have to continue without my better half and always thankful that he is spared from these work related stress.  I always have in my mind that I can be with him happily enjoying our life together again once I can stay out of business, once I neatly end the projects in hand. Meanwhile he has found peace without me and my environment which I am happy to know. Life is too short and situations may still be the same for me to release myself from my duties and in that case we might not meet again anymore.
But I stay in presence and always at presence with always working and hoping, Because in presence or in future , I will always look for harmony and peace to enjoy my life without any sufferings Dukkha. I shall not be with any one if they cause sufferings around me. We shall always meet in peace and love and create happy environment.