time for your own

 having spent my life trying to please my partner in life , 

now it is time for me to live for myself 

having spent my life showering gifts and love to kids 

now it is time for me to live for myself

prepare myself for old age and death 

refuge in dharma 

Bettter

 Better be alone than with someone unhappy with you and complaining frequently.

Better be alone than with wasting your time and affection with kids and family who does not appreciate your love.

Life is at peace 

except moments you have to deal to get back the loan out cash...

Bye for now

 Bye for now 

wish the best 

till we meet again

love

leaving

 will we meet again?

I don't know 

we don't know

like will we get back our money ?

anyway I think I will go and meet him again 

when things turn to normal and when I get some money and time

muscles aches

 I don't feel good

all muscles stiff

arms aches

neck ache 

last night I just sleep watching the pain in muscles

read and learn

He said not do rituals instead read and learn dharma 

I will read every day from now onwards

sad sad sad

 He is saying goodbye to the house

made my eyes teary

be strong 

he said I will be occupied and not sad after he leaves

I said I don't let myself sad 

I don't let myself soft 

I will keep myself busy with friends and eat outs and shoppings

I pray that I can get back my money from swindlers soon  and can follow him to go around the world 

in next year 

killings

 Every day killings of people in the streets 

this country is not a place to live peacefully

students killing their teacher because they will get money 

people blaming government for not able to control the bombs and killings

I am in a position not to leave my home 

I have case to follow and I have to watch my house.

I am glad for those who can stay away

things done

 have bought 2 k use for J to travel

been to spa every day 

today is slim set 

very tough and nice 

market place has many cars 

strict security

I bought burgers for J

made burgers for dinner 

can't wait

 He mentioned he can't wait to get out of this country.

I wish him the best 

It will be lighter for me to live without him 

I told him to give me two years to get things settled and follow him

do not give up our love I said 

I am not sure about that 

They are so pretentious 

am I been duped all these years 

idle

 Ordered burger for j and now I am idle 

no driver so I am not going to market 

will drive later to where 

want massage 

will buy food for dinner 

have to pick up the earrings left in spa 

ask t to do it for me

what to do when idle 

read and listen dharma 

pray and meditate 

that's what holy monks do 

so i will reach nirvana 

cash

 second payment only at the end of the month 

later in January 20th latest

so cannot spend too much till I get replenishment 

hope to sell another one

breakfast

 The mommy baby asked me to join her for breakfast 

I got medicines for back pain

looks like post covid cause lower back pain with spondylosis to people 

J will plan for dinner for my bd 

depressed

 Life is depressing this last few years till today 

But I can forget about it and get used to the failure 

tears are a second away if you give up 

smile and laugh can be there as well 

hectic run around yesterday

 I was getting results from airport clinic and they found a compressed fracture

to check osteoporosis 

end up in ph and agreed to do surgery 

he said not to do before his departure so i postponed

and it is not an emergency 

so I decide not to do it

today court date and the con man does not show not even his lawyer 

and I came back to appoint a lawyer and do it two weeks later 

so slow every appointments 

have massage today 

buy medicines 

alone again

 Life in near future will be alone again 

really alone without anyone close beside me .

and no office to go 

as I have no business except the case and lost money to chase 

cannot travel

I will try not to get new friends 

I want to be alone

better than in toxic relationship

look on bright side and try to live alone 

no drinking

 going out made me drink wine

buy wine

chat with new friends I met 

I have to stop going out and drink wine

need to stay on path of enlightenment 

no need to meet them again.

sorry 

no socializing 

no drinking 

no eating out 

treatment insult

 how can I be so low a person to be insulted by my own kid

how can she be so proud of herself to insult me 

I feel sad when ever I think about it 

anyway I wish the best for them 

I don't want them to be in bad luck because of their act 

They think I am the stupid person 

and I am really 

dumb and stupid 

but I always have a good heart and they should know it 

and yet they insult me big way 

not returnable 

sorry about that 

I have to cut all ties 

prepare for my death without any strings 

France

 been to alliance france garden party 

nice to chat and drink wine and eat pizza

make new friends 

came back to rest for my tired back

spinel earrings on 27th October

 

pray for justice

 I very much pray that the con man come down on his knees and pay back my money .

if there is justice in this world it should be it.

How to live

 Vipassana

lay people only live for fun and good things

they don't think about bad things

so when they meet bad things they suffer a lot 

if one look for good and bad 

as a natur e

they can stand bad luck 

also don't indulge in good things 

there are good and bad things in life 

easy to think

look at good things 

good to have a human life 

and can enjoy good things

people find happy things 

they are happy with what ever

enjoyable things in life 

sufferable life is when they cannot have what they wish

youth get old 

cannot get younger 

cannot be free of diseases

always moving towards bad path

31 to 40 years old beauty 

41 to 50 educate highest in life

51 to 60 

downfall of youth strength 

uphill and downhill 

till death

if you have not thought about this 

if you say enjoy yourself life is too short 

you cannot avoid aging sickness and death

vipassna is looking at bad things 

look for suffering 

not to get to nirvana 

main thing about vipassana is looking at suffering 

annata , no control , it will happen 

that's why you don't panic when it happens

you can face it

what to do as Buddha said

wish of people

4 things

• Bawga - wealth with legal ethical way 
• Good name , title and friends , followers
• Long life 
• after death wants to go to good life 

if so you have to work 4 things

• sila moral five precepts no killing stealing lying sexual misconduct , no drinking and drugs
• must be ashamed and scared to do bad things
• belief , accept Buddha wisdom 
• what ever you do will follow you to next life, kusala and akusala , all your work will become as energy and like a seed the energy is collected , good seed or bad seed , one time will become a tree sprout , karma niyarma , you try not to have anger greed jealousy 
• if you go to next life no one comes with you , you are all alone, only your karma follows you 

October journal

•  Vaccinations done for both of us.
• Donations of rice , cooking oil and others for 200 families done.
• Sales of one apartment downtown deposit received.
• Monastery visit and donations twice at Insein.
• Check jewelleries
• Buy one earring for myself.
• Give present of one ruby ring to a friend.
• Heavy rain and leak in kitchen.
• a person check another apartment downtown.

Hope and plans for November 

• My birthday celebration with him.
• He will leave for good.
• Have to move to ph for safer reasons.
• Case new and old results. 
• may be a new case .
• to receive another deposit for apartment
• donate families again.
• may be sell another apartment.
• Buy back my diamond.

diamonds

 regretting the sales of two rings I asked him whether I can buy back paying profit for them

he said he will check

candles

 I lit candle and incense stick this morning at the shrine despite John told me not to do .

He asked me to wait till he goes back .

I feel bad 

I air the room opening windows

I will do it outside next time.

sorry!

no one should be with me as I like to do without asking anyone's permission.

I bought myself an earring yesterday from gems show room.

The girl asked me to go 

she wants to spend money inspite of her situation

I have to buy something as I cannot go without buying anything 

I don't want to be impolite

food for the poor

 I have already donate two times for 200 families in Thanlyin . Have promised another month donation once I get the money for second time payment for selling 35th street apartment.

I hope to have some more cash come in for my own expenses so I can continue doing donation for poor families.

Looks like people will be jobless for a long haul since covid plus politics.

Please I pray I can continue to help save the starving families for a year at least.

vaccination done

vaccinate so can travel 

I have to do on 27th

been to monastery and donate 

I need to be less blabber mouth 

when was the end

 2012 Feb the end of a dream I realized 

struggled for another decade and finally give up ...

I was so blind 

it was fine in his country , only here he started targeting me as he had with his colleagues in his jobs ..

it all started when coming back here in 2010 

TV problem

 TV s are not working , my netflix is also payment problem and I stopped it as my visa is stolen money by e dreams website.

case

 case move up again so another judge 

all wasted 

now they want another case 

another cash cow for them?

25 plus 35 60 already and later another 25 

one case and what more 

no dinner

 struggling not to eat dinner as I have stomach pain at night if I eat especially spicy food and fried foods.

it is 6 pm now , can I stay with out food till morning? 

Facial

 today start everyday facial by platinum serum and cream 

twice  a day 

have to use gold serum as well and golden mask is once a week.

lets see the improvement , supposed to firm the skin by platinum.

No more solitaire

  no more as my eyes ache and I have spondylosis 

Spa massage day

 after getting the exchange of Kedma cream , the golden city apartment bills are paid for 3 months.

went to HLA spa for massage .

Now 63 $ left in the card with two slim sets to do and then two dinners and four drinks.

I told the woman who took my money that i will take care of her daughter's education if they give back my money plus interests that I lost.  She thanked me . Hopefully they will do as they promised and will pay back my money.

spondylosis

 my neck pain and left arm gets pain as I play solitaire on computer 

no more games for me from now onwards.

kedma

 I am going to kedma shop at junction square to change with new boxes as I believe they have sold me old ones they are using as test kits.

I am disappointed and will never go there again after wards.

rain

 thunder and rain in Yangon , end of the season, lucky that yesterday was no rain on full moon day and people can go to pagodas with clear sky.

such heavy rain and the garden almost flooded 

kitchen area rain leaking

a lot 

Taunggyi festival

 2017 tazaung dine festival in Taunggyi

 House ready to live in electricity, water tank, two bathrooms, two bedrooms, one living room, one kitchen, two garages. 

3500 laks sale. 

Kedma facial

 spend money on facial products again ,

enough for lifetime

they are so expensive

I don't need to go anymore

just have to use the products at home.

french cuisine

 ordered french restaurant , quiche is not that good, crepe is just okay, huge loaf of bread and mushroom sauce and ravioli to prepare for dinner , I only took crepe , hubby appreciate quiche, I don't want to order from that restaurant again.

Depressing days

 Life is depressing as I have recovered from Covid and almost died in August. I was lucky that I did not have it in July when oxygen had shortage in the city as everyone bought and stored in case of covid and centers were not open.

In August oxygen supply is abundant at centers thanks to the military government management. Medicines became available as well though the prices are still a bit high. It is disgusting how people made money out of epidemic hoarding medicines , food, oxygen supplies. 

They will go to hell next life . They also buy dollars and gold to make people panic .

They think that will destabilize the country and army will fall . The truth is only people suffer and army will never fall . Our country has only one strong institution and it is army.

Things are in its worst state for me in my whole life.

I will not feel despair for the loss of my wealth as it is only for inheritance of me for my kids.

For myself to survive in old age , I have enough to sell off and live on.

surely I pray everyday for the case to settle and correct the injustice of con people that took my fortune away . 

monastery day

 went to aung san monastery for pathan saying event invited by zar chi 

have fasting 8 silk so I will not have dinner today 

I can drink coffee

cash and donation

 got 88 for deposit of small apartment downtown.

8 to donate for starving families 

many families are starving because of covid for two years now and not able to get jobs.

there are more cars on the street this week

hope it is almost over

next month people can get jobs as rain stops and covid stops and no quarantine

I am glad to be able to help 200 families with some food  last time and this time..

hopefully I don't need to do next month anymore as conditions will be better

I also do not want to make it a habit and make them like beggars ..

they have to work and earn when things go back to normal.

hotel lobby eat out

 today we went to Chatrium to eat the lobby

nice place 

Japanese's sushi there and coffee and all , quite pleasant and we are happy

intend to spend the rest of the days visiting hotel lobby coffee shops and enjoy .

အခန္းေရာင္း စရံရ

 တိုက္ခန္း အတြက္စရံခ်သြားတယ္။

 

ကံကံ ၏ အက်ိဳး  နားေထာင္ပါတယ္။

ကံစိတ္ဥတု အာဟာရ 

ကံပါလည္း ကုသုိလ္ အက်ိဳးေပးခြင့္ရွိဦးမွ 

 selling car at discounted price and even that the dealers pressed more low looking for faults in my car

so disgusting 

I pity them that they have to do these tricks to make more profit 

My Buddha back to his original position in our home

 So happy finally I can move back my Buddha to his original place .

Since it was moved two years back I have suffered terrible bad luck in my house.

I pray that all is over now ...